Recipe for the Apocalypse

Recreating the Titanic’s last meal / NPR

1. The Kentucky meat shower was an incident where chunks of red meat fell from the sky in a 100-by-50-yard area near Rankin, Bath County, Kentucky, for a period of several minutes on March 3, 1876.

2. The Great Molasses Flood occurred on January 15, 1919, in the North End neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts. A large molasses storage tank burst, and a wave of molasses rushed through the streets at an estimated 35 mph, killing 21 and injuring 150.

3. On September 11, 2011, Today reported that a pregnant Beyoncé was craving Oreo cookies with gherkins, Bounty ice cream with hot chili sauce, and bananas dipped in tomato sauce. These rumors, which she later announced were not only “false” but “disgusting,” were published on the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

4. According to The New York Post, swapping vows on TV is a “recipe for disaster.” In the 1958 film Gigi, Aunt Alicia says, “bad table manners have broken up more households than infidelity.” Explaining how to eat the controversial gourmand songbird, she notes, “Now bite up each piece. The bones don’t matter.”

5. Ortolans are delicate songbirds captured alive, force-fed, and drowned in Armagnac. When enjoying one, the diner is recommended to cover his or her head under a napkin or towel to hide from God. You put the entire small bird in your mouth at once during the shamefully decadent act.

6. “Time is so close for the return of Jesus!” writes one biblically-minded prepper. “You will need foods which are easy to prepare. Foods that do not need much water. Canned foods are good. Although the shelf life is much less than packaged dried foods.”

7. For the hundred-year anniversary of the sinking of the Titantic, a luxury hotel in Hong Kong offered a recreation of the last meal for $1,930 a head. The ten-course meal included a 1907 bottle of wine rescued from the sunken ship.

8. The Florida Department of Corrections has a $40 cap on last meals for death row prisoners while Texas abolished them altogether in 2011.

9. On June 26, 1990, James Edward Smith was executed by lethal injection. He asked for a lump of dirt for his final meal, wanting to use the dirt to mark his body so the spirit would move on and he wouldn’t become a ghost. Smith’s request was denied and he settled on yogurt instead.

10. The key to surviving the disease, warfare, and famine to come, according to one Ancient Chinese text, is atractylodes, an herb in the same family as the sunflower. First boil, sieve, and pulp the root. Then fry with wine. Finally mix with honey, jujube fruit, and pine nuts. Enjoy with end times!

Whitney Mallett is a writer based in New York.